I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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