You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
