Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
