I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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