Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
