Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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