I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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