Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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