You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
