for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
