You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
