guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
