i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
