What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
