I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
