Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
tell me about the eggs
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