Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
