She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
