I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
