Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
