so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
