i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
