If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
