First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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