if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
