A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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