I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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