My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
