K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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