Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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