i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
