i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
