Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
