Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
