No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
