Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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