Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Found your dick twin last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
