Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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