think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
