At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
