ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize