My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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