he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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