he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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