mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize