Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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