Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
