How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
