i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
