You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
ttyl tear gas
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You pole danced in your parka.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
