She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
