Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Randomize
