Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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