well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Blood and glitter go together right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
