I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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