it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
