the day after is always just damage control
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
