You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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