Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
