at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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