The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
