you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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