you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
