i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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