Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
