I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
