My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
