You made me cry and you don't even care
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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