we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
