Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
