Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
