New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
